Young Simon was walking around his local supermarket picking up a few items for his evening meal when he noticed an old lady was following him. He tried to ignore her but every direction he went she followed.

Eventually he went to the checkout, but the old lady managed to push in front of him and turned to speak to him.
“I beg your pardon,” she said, “I am very sorry if I have alarmed you by following you around, but you look just like my son who died recently.”

“I am very sorry to hear that,” replied Simon, “that must be very disconcerting for you. Is there anything I can do to help you?”

“Well there is one thing that would cheer me up a bit,” she said. “As I’m leaving, will you call out ‘Goodbye mother’ to me?”
“Of course,” answered Simon and as the old woman was leaving, he called out, “Goodbye mother!”

The girl on the till checked out his items and said “That will be $135.”

Simon was shocked. “How can my bill be £135?” he asked, “I’ve only bought a few things!”

The checkout girl replied, “Your mother said that you would pay for her!”

Yo mamma so fat I took a picture of her last christmas and its still printing

Yo mama so fat she’s got more Chins than a Hong Kong phone book.

Yo mama so fat you have to grease the door frame and hold a twinkie on the other side just to get her through.

Yo mama so fat she put on her lipstick with a paint-roller.

Yo mama so fat she wore a yellow raincoat and people yelled “Taxi!”

Yo mama so fat her beeper went off and people thought she was a truck and backing up.

Yo mama so fat when she dances at a concert the whole band skips.

Yo Mama is so fat, I’ve known her for 7 years and I haven’t seen the whole of her yet.

Yo mama is so stupid, she took toilet paper to a crap game.

Yo mama is so fat that she keeps a pack of bacon for dental floss.

Yo mama’s so stupid, her idea of safe sex is to lock the car doors.

Yo mama so fat that every time she turns around, they throw her a welcome back party.

Yo mama’s so fat, you can see her on the world map.

Yo mama is so poor she steals free bread.

Yo mama is so fat, she’s on both sides of the family.

Yo mama is so old that Jesus is in her high school yearbook.

Yo mama is so ugly that when she smiles, it hurts.

Yo Mama’s breath is so bad, she could clear a chat room.

Your mama’s so ugly, she laid down to take a beauty nap and slipped into a coma.

Yo mama is so fat, her picture fell off the wall!

Yo mama is so bold I can see what she’s thinking.

Yo mama’s so poor she can’t afford to pay attention.

Yo mama’s face is so ugly, when she cries the tears run down her back.

Yo Mama is so stupid, she got run over by a parked car.

Yo mama’s so ugly, she walked out of the pet store and the alarm went off.

Yo mama’s so funky she brushes her teeth with a chainsaw.

Yo mama’s so stupid she thinks a balanced meal is a Big Mac in each hand.

Your mama’s so old, when she went to school there was no such thing as history class.

Yo Mama is so ugly, she has to put a pork chop around her neck just to get the dog to play with her.

Yo mama is so fat, when she wanted a water bed they put a blanket over the Pacific Ocean.

Yo mama’s underwear is so full of holes that every time she farts they whistle.

Yo mama’s legs are so big and hairy that when she walks down the street, it looks like two dogs fighting!